I so badly want to write a detailed update to let everyone know what happened in vegas but for the life of me I can only remember about 10% of that trip (and I was there for 4 days…) SO what I think happened was that, 1. Someone slipped me a roofie (THE DATE RAPE DRUG! :0 AHHHH) every night I was at the club, or 2. I drank myself into a state of blackoutedness, I’m really hoping for the latter.

But If you follow my blog regularly, which I know all my friends do…..right?, well you know that I do not disappoint my loyal readers! I will try to recall for you what I remember. 

Friday Night in new and exciting bullet point format!

• We arrive at Armstrongs house in Vegas around 8.
• Pre-game and get ready to leave for the club around 8:30. 
• Then the next thing I remember is Sat morning waking up on arms’ couch and experiencing with what I can say with confidence a hangover powerful enough to bring down a full grown mother mountain lion protecting her cubs.

Saturday night (Lost and Found??)

We spent most of the day indoors recovering from the irreversible damage we’ve done to our livers the night before. When nighttime rolled around we began to pregame 3 hours before leaving for the club. I have no idea what time we left for Surrender because we’ve been shitfaced since 6 p.m. This is where things get out of control, I don’t remember leaving for the club but the next thing I do remember is getting up off the concrete floor of an empty parking lot in the middle of an alley in which I’m pretty sure murderers dump their victims dead bodies in. Confused, really drunk, and terrified the first thing I do is check if I have my cellphone and if horror movies have ever taught us anything is that the hero of the story (me) never has anything helpful with them. But I did find three crumpled dollars in my back pocket, SCORE! 

Lost and demoralized, I began my slow journey out of the alleyway and towards the nearest hotel I can find. I walked for what had to be 3 days and finally I see the Rio hotel where one of my friends booked a room. Since I didn’t have a room key the security guards wouldn’t let me up so I ninja’d my way into the middle of a family of tourist who were making their way up to the rooms. Then it hit me when I reached the elevators, I had no idea what room my friend was staying in, so feeling defeated and exhausted I puked in the third floor ice machine (my apologies to the worker at the Rio who had to clean that mess up). 

Then like Star Trek I was beamed up to The Enterprise (a cab in my case, I dont know how that happened) and I was drunkenly aruging with the driver telling him to take me to Yellow Turnip Dr. (where I thought Armstrong lived, it wasn’t where he lived). The driver kept insisting that place doesn’t exist and my response was “DON’T TELL ME IT DOESN’T EXIST ARMSTRONG LIVES THERE!” (he doesn’t know who armstrong is and as I found out later that night Armstrongs house is located on Yellow TULIP Dr.) (my apologies to the driver who beamed me up into his cab, I had a lot to drink that night) 

Well we are finally coming to the end of this story and if you read all this and thought to yourself “kevin is full of shit none of this happened to him”, well I have one thing to say to you “Go fuck yourself! cause everything I wrote in this post is true, esp. this next part you are about to read”. I then used the Accio charm to get my wand and summoned my patronus (which is the beloved actor/wrestler, Dwanye “The Rock” Johnson) and he carried me on his back to all the way Armstrongs house =]! 

Okay fine, actually I just went to the front desk and they googled mapped Yellow Tulip Dr., not Turnip and I took another taxi back. Yeah I know not as exciting. 

SO I guess this is my new thing now drink till I black out and then get lost. Damn why couldn’t I be the guy who rips peoples shirts in half (you know how you are) or the guy who passes out in the bathtub.